I’m two screams away from losing my mind. Is this what motherhood really consists of? It can’t be or maybe I’m in denial or maybe I’m being unrealistic or maybe I’m not handling motherhood correctly? Is there even a correct way to be a mom?
Motherhood killed my fantasy of thinking my future family would be like the Cosby’s.
My love hate relationship with the monotony of daily life ultimately resulted in succumbing to motherhood. I’m not crazy, but most days I feel like I’m not in control of my own life. I’m doing everything for everyone but myself. Nothing in any book, podcast, or website could have prepared me for the rollercoaster named MOTHERHOOD. Except one thing, conversations with veteran moms.
I failed to simply listen and digest the real important information other parents were lending to me pre-children. My favorite conversation piece, “life is over; you’re never going to peacefully sleep.” I’m tired, physically, emotionally, but mostly mentally. I’m tired of thinking for others, doctors appointments, therapy appointments, choosing schools, changing the never ending underpants from potty accidents, and scrubbing poop off the walls. Sure, I knew life would change, priorities would change, my identity would change, but never would have thought my mindset would change.
Self care is not selfish.
Pre-children I was fine like wine, in shape with a four pack, full face of makeup, attended pokeno nights, dressed in “real” clothes, career driven, and determined. Becoming a mother disrupted all of those things, or did it? All things centered around self care are the very things that has become the bigger obstacles for me to adjust to. Therefore, I have to continuously remind myself (you too) that self care is not selfish, it’s necessary and deserving. You’ve heard that flight attendant speaking instructing to you to first put your oxygen mask in case of an emergency before putting others masks on while trying to calm your screaming child down. That flight attendant is correct, you have to be ok first in order to be able to care for others (shhh … it’s called SELF CARE)
No doubt my life has changed, adjusted but it isn’t over.
The truth is I was in complete denial of how life would change and how to handle that change. More importantly, I thought I could handle it alone or that I couldn’t visibly display my motherhood failures (maybe I’ll post my wild hair, dark circles, and other motherhood failures instead of the “happy” on social media)! Motherhood will continue to throw challenges and adjustments my way, but it’s up to me to make the decision to put on MY oxygen mask first.
It’s those days of self doubt, tiredness, and feeling of motherhood defeat that I’m happy to be part of the NOMB and surround myself with other moms who “get it!”