A Letter to My Toxic Father-in-Law

Father-in-law, I sometimes wonder if you think about us. Your family. Do you realize how your toxicity has affected others?

Describing Your Son

Do you ever wonder what kind of dad your son turned out to be?

Your son is a great dad. He gets up in the middle of the night when our kids are sick. He takes our kids to school and picks them up. They sing and dance together. They play musical instruments together. Walks and park days happen all the time. Witnessing the love that he has for our children through every day, sometimes tedious and routine tasks is such a beautiful experience. My husband teaches our sons how to love through his own actions. Cooking, brushing kids’ hair and teeth, night time baths, stories before bedtime – I couldn’t do it all without my husband’s support. More importantly, I wouldn’t want to do it without his support. He makes our family complete.

Your son treats me like a queen. He respects me and loves me unconditionally. He always goes the extra mile and pushes me to go the extra mile, too, whether it be professionally or health-wise.

Nothing Like You

My husband is nothing like you. 

I am disappointed in you, Father-in-law. My sons have two grandfathers, but will grow up only knowing one because you chose to cut yourself off from your family. On some days, I cannot even fathom this. You chose alcohol over us, ignoring our countless requests to not drink when around us. You tried to use your material possessions to entice us to want to be around you – we never needed your things. Our love cannot be bought. You chose to talk bad about me on countless occasions to my husband, your own son; and then demanded our respect.

In reality, I was the one pushing my husband to try to have at least a cordial relationship with his father, if not for his sake, at least for the sake of our children. I actually feel bad about pushing that to happen.

Avoiding Toxicity

Your son has mentally blocked himself from your toxicity. He has dealt with this his whole life. After years of being treated poorly, he built up a wall to guard himself from you. I, however, am not used to this. I grew up in a family with a dad that still looks out for my siblings and me, even though we are now grown. It pains me knowing the type of relationship I have with my dad when I think of you and your son’s relationship.

But, we are happy, in case you are wondering. While we deal with hurt and disappointment in different ways, we continue to grow our family bond day by day. It’s very sad that you are missing out on these precious times.

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