When I think of a sister, I think of a lifelong best friend. Someone to have sleepovers with, meaningless conversation, and life long memories. I see someone who has unending love for my children and the mother of my nieces and nephews. I see a role model.
Unfortunately, sometimes reality and expectation hit each other head on and slap real life into you.
I Knew This Was Coming
I wish I could say that I did not expect this, but I did. From very early on – we are talking toddler years – this relationship was extremely strained. How can toddler siblings have a strained relationship? Think constant fighting and hatred. Hitting, saying mean things, slamming hands in doors…
No, I am not naive enough to think that I’m innocent. I have made mistakes as well and played a part in this myself. I have also hurt the relationship. But at what point do you just let it go?
It isn’t an easy thing, but I have to walk away. I have to put my children first and can not subject them to this dysfunctional relationship, never knowing if today is the day that she’ll fly off the handle and become verbally abusive.
It’s really hard for me because I truly don’t think it’s completely her fault. Everyone makes excuses for her because she’s the ‘baby’ and just covers it up. I refuse to do that. I’m worried for her and her safety. The older she gets, the worse it gets. And I wish that someone would take me seriously and get it checked out – solely for her benefit.
I’m done. I just can’t do this toxic relationship anymore. I’m letting go of my hopes, dreams, and expectations for what I thought this relationship could be. I have kids to think about and I don’t want them being around such a negative and emotionally draining relationship. So while I’m sorry … truly sorry … I have to be done.