My Silver Linings :: A Love Letter to My Son on His 4th Birthday

Drew,

I can feel in my heart and in my bones as your birthday, November 27th, approaches each year. There are other signs as well. The stores filled to the brim with leaves, scarecrows, cornucopias and pumpkins. The fact that I and countless others drink the equivalent of pumpkin flavored magma in 90 degree NOLA weather. All of these things are brown and orange reminders your birthday is coming.

img_3871We had two incredible birthdays with you. The day you were born November 27, 2012, I still remember looking at you for the first time feeling like the luckiest Mama in the world to have such a beautiful and healthy baby. The other was your 1st birthday. On the day of your party, you rocked suspenders and ate cake methodically for about 20 minutes until we had to cut you off. We all marveled at how the rest of the cake was untouched. You took your first steps that day. That would be the last birthday I would spend with you.

I had no idea on March 12, 2014, we would wake up, but our healthy 15-month-old son would not. Before March 12th, I thought my life was going to follow a certain path. I thought my biggest issue to face was getting you in the school best suited for your cherubic self. Of course, I had heard tales of mothers who lost their children suddenly. My heart hurt for them, and I was filled with disbelief. However, I never for one second thought I would become one of them. Those tales of unbearable loss seemed so far away, until we lost you.

How I wish that I was like every other mama of a soon to be 4 year old little boy. I wish I could ask you what type of party you wanted. I wish I could see you in a little uniform each day. I wish I could fuss at you and your sister to pipe down. I wish I could see you play a sport. You were built just like your Daddy; I know you would have been a natural. Most of all, I wish I could hold you in my arms just for one more second. I wish I could go back to who I was before March 12th, when I had the luxury of taking things for granted.

We are approaching 3 years without you and I still cannot fathom sometimes that time continues to pass. At the same time, I am so grateful for the gift each day brings. I deal with heartache no Mother should but would endure 1000 times more to be your Mother. At one point I did not know if I would ever have moments of peace, yet I do. I know you helped show me the way.

img_3870People often mention silver linings as the result of a loss or tragedy; “every cloud has a silver lining” is a saying used quite often. There have been many silver linings in my life since March 12, 2014. However, they did not originate from your loss; they come from your LIFE. The life you lived inside my belly for 10 incredible months. The life you lived on earth for a little for over 15 months.

Your life has been the catalyst for more good than I ever could have imagined. Your love of music inspired us to help other children. Your life inspires us to try to make the world a little better, not your loss.

My love for you and the life we shared got me out of bed on many mornings.

Our love for you and the honor of being your parents helped your Daddy and I proceed with love, when it would have been so easy to hate.

img_3868Your life and the precious gift it was has shown me I am stronger than I ever thought.

Remembering how happy your life was allows us to let your tornado of a sister be a toddler and not live in a protective bubble of paranoia each day. It is incredibly difficult at times, but we want Emmaline to have a “normal” life despite our fear. We know that is what you would have wanted. We are trying our best.

However, I along with any other bereaved parent on earth would gladly give up any “silver linings” to have you back.

Happy Birthday Drew, we know you will have an amazing party in heaven. Your life began on November 27, 2012 and ended far too soon. You taught me how to be a mother and you will always be my greatest inspiration. We will celebrate and honor your life as long as I have breath in my body, each and every day, but especially on your birthday. I know you will continue to bring “silver linings” into our lives and I am so incredibly proud to be your Mama.

About Georgia Boswell

IMG_1790Georgia Boswell hails from Minden, Louisiana, but she has been proud to call New Orleans home for 11 years. Georgia received an undergraduate degree from Louisiana Tech and acquired a Masters in Hospitality and Tourism Management from UNO. She enjoys reading, traveling and sampling the many treasures New Orleans has to offer. She met Devron during Mardi Gras 2007 and they officially became Team Boswell on May 23, 2009. They were blessed to welcome Drew Joseph Boswell into the world on November 27, 2012. Tragically Drew died in his sleep on March 12, 2014.  His death was attributable to SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood). Georgia and Devron, with the tireless support of many friends, started Drew’s Tunes for the two-fold purpose of providing musical instruments to young children and also to support research on the cause and possible prevention of SUDC. Since its inception, Drew’s Tunes has donated over $100,000 in support of its mission. These donations include almost 1000 instruments to over 1500 local children and $30,000 towards SUDC research. As of April 28, 2015, Emmaline Elizabeth Boswell became the newest member of Team Boswell. Devron and Georgia look forward to telling Emmaline all about her big brother and making the world more beautiful together in his name.

One Response to My Silver Linings :: A Love Letter to My Son on His 4th Birthday

  1. Naomi November 27, 2016 at 7:03 am #

    Thanks Georgia for writing, for keeping on. We said goodbye to Jude on March 13th. I’ll always think of you and your family on March 12th.
    I’m pregnant now, due April 16th, and this is tough doing this whole thing again. We’ve had some good things happen since we lost Jude and sometimes people mention (ignorantly and with no ill will) these things as if they’re connected. It makes me want to scream that I’d give all those things back if I could just have Jude but of course I don’t.
    Thanks for writing about this particular topic so artfully. It’s so important that we continue to speak about these things. Every time we do, the world gets a little better, those around us gain a little more insight (and hopefully empathy), so that they can care for themselves or others around them who are experiencing loss.

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