NO MORE YELLING! {A Parenting Strategy that Really Works}

NO MORE YELLING! {A Parenting Strategy that Really Works}

Raising small humans to be respectful people is HARD WORK. I’d even say it has been the hardest job I’ve ever had. I’ve been Not Yelling I New Orleans Moms Blogtold that kids don’t come with manuals, and that is so true. The minute that child is born, we are set on this journey to figure out parenting all on our own. When they are babies, we know that our job as parents is to keep them fed, check on them when they cry, and keep them happy! We are equipped only with the guidance we had growing up and of course, the constant recommendations and advice from parents, friends, and even from strangers. When you think about it, that’s just a tad overwhelming! For once, when I got some parenting advice, I  thought it was TOO SIMPLE, and I had my doubts. That is, until I took the advice and used it.

Have you ever heard the expression “negativity breeds negativity?”

It’s true, especially when parenting.

Earlier this year, parenting was tough for my husband and I. We felt like we were constantly walking on eggshells in a constant battle of wills and we spent probably 70% of our time angry and frustrated and constantly yelling. I would say that I often was needing to put myself in time out along with my kid. I vividly remember driving home from school in tears one evening because I just didn’t understand why we were in a constant state of perceived anger and frustration with one another.

The discipline we were dishing out was not working. Every day tasks became a battle, one that I was constantly losing. Instead of getting my son dressed and out the door in a timely manner, I would ask 2-3 times; he would not comply. I would resort to yelling, and then our son would yell back; then I would get angry, and a meltdown would ensue. He would yell. We would yell. It was just constant yelling, negativity, anger, and frustration.  All of the time.

Negativity was breeding negativity.

I was about to lose hope. Then I got some great advice.

Don’t Yell.

I was like, wait, what? Don’t yell? Then how will my 4 year old get the message when I am angry or frustrated and I want him to do something? I thought to myself, this can’t work.

That advice has been life changing for us, and not just with parenting. It has changed our whole family dynamic. It was something  SO SIMPLE that, at first, I did not think it would work. BUT IT DID.

Turns out that expression “Keep it Simple” has a lot of merit.

Let me preface my experience with this: Not all kids are alike and this may not work for your family, BUT I do think it is at least worth a try. I am sharing what worked for us in the hope that if you are like I was, feeling your blood pressure rise daily and feeling like you are going to rip your hair out then it may help! If it doesn’t work, you can ignore this post and go back to whatever works for you, but if it is does work, it will make your family life SO MUCH BETTER.

Think about it like this: At work, do you like having someone constantly barking orders and yelling at you? NO. You are more apt to cooperate and get work done if you are asked nicely or gently reminded of what you need to do, right? If you do your work and it is positively received and you feel appreciated, you will go the extra mile when needed, right? I know I do!

The same concept applies to your kids. Feed them with the negativity of barked orders, constant yelling, and negative punishment and they will shut down, ignore you, and not have respect for you. Feed them with positivity by encouragement, gentle, but FIRM requests, and positive reinforcement and it makes a world of difference!

I promise you, it works. In the past, our mornings were a disaster. Our son would fight every attempt to get going. Everything was difficult; tooth brushing, getting dressed, and putting his shoes on were a dramatic battle of wills. When we stopped yelling and just started using our firm, robotic voice to give direction (and enforce said direction), he complied. He complied even more when we rewarded him with positive comments and encouragement when he started to cooperate.

Like I said before, It was LIFE CHANGING!

On occasion, we still have moments every now and then where we may have to raise our voice a little, and we have to be really conscientious about all situations and how to approach them. BUT just by stopping the yelling, our house is so much more peaceful and full of positive energy, and LOVE. Did I mention that? Our son is far more affectionate and appreciative of how we have adapted our parenting style. That’s my favorite part.

Just give it a try. You never know, you may just like not having to yell every day.

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