Flakiness Isn’t Okay
I read an article once from a mom who was excusing herself and all of her friends for flaking on each other. As much as I wanted to relate, I simply couldn’t. If we make a concrete plan to hang out, I expect you to show. Being a mom is hard. Scheduling time to hang without kids (or even with!) is tough. Showing up matters – a lot. Being flakey isn’t okay. It’s disrespectful and counteracts every “Miss you BFF” text you have sent all month.
Bad Excuses Broken Down
Life gets in the way and the excuses start creeping in. Trust me; I get it. I get a burst of anxiety leading up to every single event I attend. The “I’d rather be home in PJ’s” fights with my desire for grown-up time. I miss my kids. I may have actually forgotten what my husband looks like. I’m soooooo tired.
Excuse: “I’ve been at work all day and haven’t seen the kids.”
Response: Please recommend a better time when you aren’t working so you won’t feel the need to bail last-minute. And when is the last time you actually regretted attending a Girls Night??
Excuse: “I really shouldn’t be spending money.”
Response: If we’re meeting at a restaurant, you can expect to spend the cost of a meal. Please be honest and tell me “dinner would be hard, but let’s do X instead.”
Excuse: “I totally forgot all about it!”
Response: Put it in your calendar. Schedule a sitter in advance. Do you forget to attend doctor’s appointments? Date nights with the spouse? Then please don’t forget me.
Excuse: “I can’t make it tonight.”
Response: If you never plan to go, just RSVP “No.”
Excuse: “This week has been crazy.”
Response: What week isn’t crazy? We have children, spouses, jobs, appointments. We have meals to prep and kids to cater to. We wear the hats of taxi drivers, doctors, teachers, lovers and FRIENDS. Let’s not forget that last one.
You may feel like I’m being harsh, but hear me out. The friend you bailed on may be sitting alone at a table in the middle of a restaurant while she gets message after message canceling. That girlfriend may be ridiculously embarrassed that the servers and hostesses are sheepishly wondering if they should ask her when the rest of her party will arrive. That friend, who paid $42 for a sitter that night, may have gone ahead and ordered her food, because dammit, she’s already out. Lastly, that friend may have truly NEEDED that night out with you. Be there for your friends and they will be there for you.
Call to Action
I’m asking for two things here, Honesty & Empathy. Can you do X? Yes or No? If you say Yes and don’t show, how do you think it will make me feel?
For those friends who brave the guilt they feel for leaving their little ones for a few hours out with the girls, thank you. Thank you for planning ahead, remembering to come and for pushing the crazy life aside for a little while. Thank you for making the time despite all that stands in our way as mothers. Thank you for showing me I truly matter to you. Thank you for showing up.