Haters Gonna Hate: A Plea For A Judgment Free Zone

As moms, we have two main critics: ourselves and other moms.

It’s such a sad thing how tough we are on ourselves as it is. Then, to top it off, rather than rallying behind each other we break each other down. I know I’ve been guilty of silently judging another – who hasn’t? I’ve learned and keep it to myself. It can happen from time to time. But in today’s society of social media, it seems all too prevalent that moms are just tearing each other down. What’s worse, people hide behind the anonymity of their computer. As blog contributors, we really put ourselves out there and expect to receive criticism. Sharing viewpoints and ideas is healthy. But when it gets to the point of ugly remarks, passive aggressive judgment, negativity, and dare I say – bullying – that’s crossing a line.

I am sure all mothers at some point since starting a family have felt judged by another.  

moms4momsWhy can’t we just foster a society where we constantly encourage each other? Since I can’t have someone following me around applauding every mom success (I mean, who wouldn’t love that?), at least I can get encouraging words from others. That’s why I surround myself with women who build me up and make me a better person. But do you know who seems to pass judgment the quickest? Strangers. People who barely know you, much less should be commenting on your personal life.

I recently had a friend tell me of a comment someone made to her regarding the large gap between the age of her two children. The lady asked her why she planned it that way. My friend replied that she couldn’t have planned that three children would die in between the births of her two healthy children. She said the lady looked shocked and quickly apologized, but really? My friend said everyone has a cross, something in their heart they are carrying.

Think twice before you open your mouth.

On the blog’s Facebook page, we recently re posted a blog Janie wrote on her choice to wear a one piece swimsuit. A reader commented, “She’s right, her daughter will be just like her. Full of insecurities and constantly worried about her body and what others think of it. To me, that’s a way worse learned behavior for a little girl to embody.” That’s just a sh*tty thing to say, reader I will not name. Janie was sharing a personal story close to her heart, opening up in hopes to relate to others. She certainly didn’t need you to beat her down for it. As our editor replied, she is one of the kindest and most confident women we know.

If you saw her in person, would you say such a thing to her face?All Moms Are Wonder Women I New Orleans Moms Blog

Linzy’s recent breastfeeding post was our most viewed blog this quarter. It definitely got people talking, but it was wrought with haters. Not welcoming and encouraging advice; straight up haters. One reader actually took to cursing, calling our contributors “b*tches” on the Facebook post. Who does that? It was meant to be a lighthearted take on her own personal experience and people just went bananas. Sense of humor, people!

Regardless of what side of the fence you’re on, can we all just agree to be supportive? You don’t know why that mother chose to not to nurse, maybe she had PPD. Don’t suggest she didn’t “try hard enough.” Don’t roll your eyes at the mom nursing in public, maybe her baby isn’t ready for the bottle. Don’t push your agenda in people’s faces, whether it be mainstream or granola; everyone makes the decisions they feel best. Bottom line, we are all just treading water together, trying to be the best moms we can be. As Andie wrote, all moms are wonder women. Haters are gonna hate, but you don’t have to be one of them.

What has been your experience regarding judgment as a mom? How do you handle it?

6 Responses to Haters Gonna Hate: A Plea For A Judgment Free Zone

  1. Jill April 9, 2015 at 10:50 am #

    Love this, Angelina 🙂 Way to call a spade a spade!

    • Angelina April 9, 2015 at 11:22 am #

      Thank you, Jill! I appreciate you reading the post and your feedback.

  2. Alyssa April 9, 2015 at 11:31 pm #

    great article! I don’t know how many times I read some of these blog articles (including one I wrote as a guest post), and people are so mean and judgmental. I cannot get over some of the things people say in responses to some of these posts. just last night, I read the article that NOMB shared discussing the “threenager”- the very first comment was horrible. This women spoke so horrendously about the author AND the child! What is wrong with people? Another article comes to mind that was posted around christmas. It was about the family not “believing” in Santa. The mother wrote that the family partskes in many Christmas traditions but that they didn’t want the children believing in something that isn’t real. While I may not necessarily agree with that (my own personal preference), I would never say some of the things that people were posting. Some called the author a terrible mom and all kinds of other nasty names. It was horrible. I think it’s so sad that people hide behind the anonymity of the Internet. It takes courage to write about personal things and whether the readers agree or not, many need to show some class when responding.

    • Angelina April 14, 2015 at 1:00 pm #

      Alyssa, I saw that same comment you are referring to. It’s so sad that people take time out of their day to say such hateful and ludicrous things! Thank you for reading having the courage to say when something’s not right.

  3. Karen April 11, 2015 at 4:32 pm #

    Excellent post! I was raised to follow this mantra: “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” It always blows me away that people take extra time to leave rude, hateful remarks. So sad!

    • Angelina April 14, 2015 at 1:01 pm #

      Very true, Karen! I try to follow the same mantra. It helps when people are mean to you, too!

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